The realization

I recently realized how kind the people around me actually are.

It's one of those things you only understand once you've seen the opposite. Like how I only know my old code was bad now — because today I know how to write good code. The contrast is what teaches you.

For me, the realization came from hearing other people's stories about their relationships. Someone would describe something tense or exhausting and call it "an average day," and I'd think, wait — you guys call that average? That was the moment I started to appreciate how calm and peaceful my own relationships are.

The old me

And with that same clarity, I realized something harder: back then, I was the jerk. I was the kind of person I can't stand today.

That hit me hard. It made me stop and ask myself, why did I treat those people that way? I hope they can forgive me.

I learned the lesson — but the cost was real. A few good people left because of who I was. I don't pretend that didn't hurt. But I've come to see it as the price of the lesson: something I paid for once, so I don't have to make the same mistake again.

Me now

Even with a lesson I've already paid for, I still slip. I can still be a jerk without noticing until it's too late.

What's different now is what happens next. The moment I catch it, I tell myself to behave, I apologize as soon as I can, and I file it away — you slipped here; tomorrow, don't do it again. I won't always get it right in the moment. But I've learned to correct it fast.

To the people who know me

If the old me hurt you — the jokes that might have offended, the way I said things, mostly verbal I guess — I'm sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.

And to the people around me now — thank you for handling me with patience and kindness. I know I still get things wrong here and there. If I haven't noticed yet, please tell me, so I can fix it before it's too late.