Things Changed

I know that things will change with time. And now I am in that phase and realize it. Those 10 PM gaming with my friend moments changed to 10 PM stressed-out debugging moments. Those friends who I explored the world with back then now walk their life journey with their new friends and new family.

And the annoying part is that some of the changes are hard for me to accept.

The one that maybe hit me hard lately is the huge difference between how I see myself these days and how my old friends saw me back then. After talking with some of my old friends that I recently reached out to, I realized how I was back then and how far I have changed. Some of them said I was kind, some of them said I was evil, and some of them said what a nerd I was.

It makes me go "hold on, I was like that before?" and then I see myself today. Yeah something is missing, something has changed. Some are in positive ways, some are in negative ways.

And yeah whatever things they say can be justified to a certain level. Like I realize how bad my jokes were back then that could hurt someone. Also what a nice guy I was to everyone back then, helping people around me. And yeah how much time I spent reading manga and playing games. And looking at the present, yeah most of them aren't me anymore. At least from my perspective.

It bothers me so much because I know things change and yet I still can't fully accept it and let it go.

Back to the core problems: how is that change bothering me? I tried to find the answer but can't find the exact clear reason.

Maybe because I prefer the old me? Maybe because I think it's cooler or more comfortable being the old me because I think that was the prime time?

But the reason that is likely the right reason for me is because the change also removed some of the good things in my life and I just miss those old good things.

But one thing I am certain of as of today is that every change in my life — good or bad — is what makes me who I am today. So even though I am still bothered by some of them, I should accept it as is and try not to worry about that too much. Because eventually those things will likely change in the future anyway.